


Coping

by Melissy123



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship, but also kinda not, co-dependent parents, it's there they just don't talk about it properly cause they dumb, which seems to be the theme in all of my got7 fics so far
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24568987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melissy123/pseuds/Melissy123
Summary: Could they cope without having their leader on tour with them? Yes, but only barely. Jinyoung was holding on by a thread, doing his best to be strong for the others, but when the door closed, when he was left alone with his thoughts, he crumpled. After all, performing just wasn't the same without Jaebeom there too.Set during that period where JB hurt his back and couldn't go on tour with the rest of GOT7.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 116





	Coping

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I can only write in Jinyoung's POV at the moment, I'd like to say that will change but I can't guarantee anything. 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, I edit this myself and miss something every time.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It felt strange, promoting without Jaebeom, performing without Jaebeom. It was like there was a hole in the team, right in the very centre threatening to suck them all in. They could ignore it, they could pretend it wasn't there, but that empty space did not go away. Jinyoung tried to take on the role that Jaebeom had left behind, Mark tried to pick up some of the load, but it wasn't the same. Maybe that was due, in part, to Jinyoung himself feeling as if he were drowning. Jaebeom was supposed to be there with them, with him. After all their struggles, after everything they had been through, it wasn't fair that he didn't get to be here now. 

But Jinyoung had to try and stay strong. For Jaebeom, for the rest of the team. He wasn't sure he did a very good job it it. Jinyoung kept his cool, he kept that facade up in front of the others but sometimes, when he had a moment to think, when he had a moment to himself, he felt like he couldn't breath. It just didn't feel right without Jaebeom at his side, he had been at his side since before they had even started this journey, auditioning together, winning together. 

He should have been here now. 

And he knew the others all felt the same way.

The kids were lost without their leader, without the quiet, steady comfort that Jaebeom just knew how to provide. They could function without him, but only barely. Yugyeom and Bambam became a little clingier, a little needier, forcing Jinyoung to try and be the one to both soothe their concerns and discipline them. Mark did what he could, but that didn't make Jinyoung feel any less like a single parent struggling to keep his children all in one piece. Youngjae laughed a little less, his brightness dulled by his exhaustion and how much he missed their leader. Jackson tried to keep the mood up but sometimes even he struggled, even he became quiet and withdrawn. All Jinyoung could do was forge on, pretend everything was fine when it so clearly wasn't. 

Jaebeom's injuries would heal and he would be back with them soon enough.

At least, that was what he kept telling them (and himself). 

Still, when the others all went to sleep, when silence fell over them and Jinyoung was the one left alone, he couldn't help but let himself crumble. There was no one there to see how much he missed Jaebeom, his best friend, his soulmate, and Jinyoung let himself feel all of it. He let himself break, just for a moment. 

"Hyung?" 

Jinyoung closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He wondered if Jaebeom ever felt this overwhelmed. Jinyoung liked to think that he could tell, that he would know if the other was struggling, but what if he was a better actor then he thought? It was something to question when the leader finally came back to them. 

Yugyeom knocked on the door again, pushing it open just enough to peer into the room. The maknae looked nervous standing in the doorway, his phone clutched in his hand. He had never been the smallest trainee (not like Bambam) but his face had still been young, so young and that was what Jinyoung saw now, as he hovered awkwardly at the edge of the room. It was what he had seen from both of their maknaes with the absence of their leader. Jinyoung sighed, waving him inside. 

"What's wrong, Gyeomie?" he said, his voice soft as the maknae came to sit next to him. Jinyoung threw an arm over his shoulders, hoping he couldn't see the redness or puffiness on his own face. "Is everything okay?"

"Hyung-" The younger hesitated, his mouth twisting into a frown. "Have you heard from Jaebom-hyung lately?" 

Jinyoung froze.

And that was another thing that had them all worried, that weighed heavily on their minds. If they struggled without Jaebeom, how was he at home, alone, injured, unable to participate? Jinyoung knew he would be feeling guilty, that he would feel as if he should have done better, shouldn't have gotten injured no matter how out of his control it was. That was what Jaebeom did, he focused in on all the little things. Jinyoung hated thinking about him back in their dorm, the hallways empty, the place silent. Was he looking after himself? Was he eating well? They had been speaking a lot, but Jinyoung had noticed that the other had gone quiet in the last few days. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen it coming, but it still made him worry. 

Obviously he wasn't the only one. 

He had hoped he would still be talking to the others, but clearly Jaebeom had reached a point where he just needed to not think about them and what he should have been doing, where he should have been, what he was missing out on. 

"I'm sure he's fine," reassured Jinyoung, holding Yugyeom that little bit tighter. "Jaebeom-hyung wouldn't want you worrying about him, he would want you to focus on the concerts, on the fans."

"He hasn't been replying to you either, has he?" said Yugyeom, knowing. 

"No, but I knew it was only a matter of time. He's been acting fine, but it will be as hard on him as it on us, him not being here. You know how he is, I think he just needs a break."

"From talking to us?"

"From having to act like he is okay in front of us," Jinyoung corrected. Yugyeom's frown deepened, and Jinyoung could practically feel the worry radiating out of him. He didn't like the idea of Jaebeom wallowing in the dorm by himself, a heavy cloud hovering over him. Jinyoung didn't like it either, none of them did. "I'll call him soon, I'll make sure he answers, don't worry too much, Gyeomie." 

"You'll make sure he's okay?"

"What do you think?" Jinyoung said, sharply, and Yugyeom cracked a smile. The younger leaned in, hugging him lightly before getting to his feet. 

"Thanks, mum," he said, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

Jinyoung shoved him towards the door, "Go on brat, go get some rest." 

"Yes, mum." 

"I mean it, don't stay up late with Bambam. Both of you need to sleep-" Yugyeom gave a final grin, slipping out of the room. "I'll hear it if you don't!" he yelled after him. Jinyoung shook his head, fondly. The room might have been dark again, but Jinyoung didn't feel so lost anymore, he didn't feel so overwhelmed. 

He would feel even better if Jaebeom answered his calls. 

He might have known what Jaebeom was doing, but that didn't mean he had to like it. He had continued sending updates to the leader, he had called him every morning and every night, giving Jaebeom the chance to answer if he wanted. This time, he would not give him a choice. He would keep calling until the older answered. They knew each other better then anyone else, Jaebeom too would realise that Jinyoung had reached the end of his patience with him. That he would have to answer, or face his wrath. 

It took six calls. 

"Everything okay, Jinyoungie?" The quiet voice of the elder had answered.

Jinyoung had considered cursing at him for having him wait so long, but he held it in. Jaebeom didn't need that, not right now. Not when he sounded so exhausted, when he sounded so very far away. He sighed, "I should be asking you that," said Jinyoung, firmly. "You haven't been replying lately." 

There was a long pause on the other end, "I know, I'm sorry," said Jaebeom. "I've just been tired... and my back has been hurting." 

"I told you not to push yourself too hard."

"I know." 

Jinyoung shook his head, lying down on his bed to make himself comfortable. He was sure Jaebeom would be in the same position, though perhaps not voluntarily given his injury. "You don't want to hurt it again, hyung," he said, quietly. "It will heal, you just need to let it." 

"It's just- it's just hard." And Jinyoung could hear it, could hear it in the other's voice. If he were there, he would have been able to take care of him, but the timing could not have been worse. He closed his eyes.

"Just imagine I'm there to scold you, don't do anything that will make me yell at you." 

"That doesn't make it better, Jinyoungie." 

His heart clenched at the words, at the pain in them. Jinyoung knew that pain, felt it every second they were away from home, they were away from him. It shouldn't have been like this, it wasn't fair, but there was nothing they could do to change it. "I know," Jinyoung whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault."

"It's not your fault either," said Jinyoung, knowingly. He heard the breath the other let out, imagined the doubt that would flicker across his face. "I mean it, Jaebeom. You didn't go out intending to get injured, it just happened. It could have happened to any of us, don't feel bad for something you can't control. You would be here if you could, I know that, we all know that." The leader didn't reply, but he knew that he was listening. "Just look after yourself while we're not there, okay? Make sure you rest, make sure you eat. I know you probably don't want to be reminded on everything you're missing out on, but try and reply to the kids if you can. They were worried, I knew you just needed some time, but they don't. They don't hear from you and they start to worry, Gyeomie came to see me. He doesn't want to think that you're back home sad and alone, so just try if you can, okay hyung?" 

"I will, I'll talk to him after." Jaebeom sighed, deeply. "It didn't make me feel any better not talking to you guys, I was just tired. I didn't want to look at my phone, I didn't want to talk to anyone but I know that doesn't do me any good. I'm sorry, for making you guys worry."

"Don't apologise-"

"I'm GOT7's leader, I shouldn't be ignoring you guys just because I can't be there, what kind of leader does that? Besides you'll be leading them just as well without me Jinyoung-ah. You lead me all the time, shouldn't it have been you in the first place?" 

"You're our leader!" Jinyoung said, his voice rising a little louder then he had intended. He paused for a moment, listening for any movement outside his door. There was nothing, he let out a breath. "You're our leader," he repeated, quieter this time. "You're my leader, I don't know how you do it, Jaebeom. There's just so much, all the time, it never stops. It has to be you, I can't do this, okay? I'm there to help you, to support you whenever you need it, but you're there for all of us. You're our leader, don't doubt how well you do that. I knew it before and I know it even more now." Maybe he had let too much emotion seep into his voice, maybe his stress had gotten the better of him because the feeling of drowning had come back. Jaebeom hushed him quietly though the phone, but it wasn't the same as him being there. Had they always been so co-dependent? Had he always felt so lost without Jaebeom by his side? 

"It's okay, Jinyoungie. You're doing so well, I'm so proud of you," whispered Jaebeom. "I'm sorry I'm not there, we'll see each other soon, okay?" 

This wasn't just friendship was it? Friends didn't feel this way when they were apart, friends didn't feel as if they had been torn in half. It was so easy to ignore when they were together, Jinyoung could hardly even remember what it felt like to not have Jaebeom with him. This had been a wake up call, and not one he had asked for. If they weren't friends, then what were they? 

"Jinyoung?" called Jaebeom, his voice soft. 

"I'm here," he said, his voice thick. Jinyoung tried to control his voice, control his emotions, but he knew that Jaebeom would hear it anyway. "You see how much we rely on you as leader?"

"I see it, you're right as always, Jinyoungie."

"And don't you forget it."

Jaebeom chuckled, and Jinyoung focused in on it, allowed all the other thoughts to disappear. It was good to hear him laugh again. For a long moment, neither of them said anything, both content just knowing the other was there. Jinyoung felt his eyes start to droop and he knew he wouldn't last that much longer. But he wasn't ready to hang up yet. 

"I miss you," he said, finally. 

Jaebeom let out a sigh, "I miss you too, Nyoungie." Jinyoung closed his eyes, and he heard Jaebeom on the other end, his steady breaths. "Go to sleep, you must be tired." 

"We'll talk soon?" 

"Tomorrow," promised the leader, "I won't miss it this time." 

"Take care of yourself, hyung. Don't-"

"I'll be good, don't worry," cut in Jaebeom, " _Go to sleep._ "

"Night, Jaebeommie." 

"Sleep well, Jinyoungie." 

Jinyoung barely managed to throw his phone onto the bedside table as sleep threatened to pull him under. He did hear a phone ring down the hall though, he heard the hushed voices of their maknaes as they spoke to their leader. 

Jinyoung smiled. 

**Author's Note:**

> I will never say no to a sneaky kudos or comment if you're feeling obliged. If not, I'm just glad you gave it a read! Thanks for the support! Xx


End file.
